CURRENT SONG:
"Like It or Not" by Darren Hayes from "Spin"
"...and now I'm standing at a teller waiting to get to another plane... and if I told you I just can't sell my flight to America, would you call me insane?... everything I have has been neatly contained into the contents of a Samsonite bag... me and a lap top, two suitcases and I'm coming to see you... whether you like it or not..."
I have this bunny outside that I feed. He's pretty, and soft and very sweet. He also has a broken ear and his cheek is terribly infected. I don't have the money to get him the medicine he needs, and I don't know if he'll be able to live through the winter as cold as it has been. He's not my bunny, but I like to take care of him. I'm the only one in the apartment that can sit down with him and hold him and pet him. He trusts me. I fed him today, he ran up to me and nuzzled my hand and playfully tossed snow at me. It made me smile before I went inside and watched him from the window. I realized something then. My bunny and I had a lot in common... We were both really broken up but some how we both keep surviving...
I've had so much happen these past few months and I feel quite broken up. I've made a point of not complaining to anyone, I don't like too. But when I sat on the ground today with my bunny's head in my hand, it made me understand how much I really wanted someone to take care of me. I've been hurt badly lately and my smile has become something I cling to just to get through the day. I am grateful for my friends who've been so kind, my Oniisan and Sissy who have encouraged and my parents, who've let me cry when things have gotten too much...
I thought about my bunny today at work. I can't remember the last time I was held by anyone. So, if anyone's got the time, would you care to take care of a "broken bunny" for a day?... I could really use the healing... ::smiles::
Thursday, February 06, 2003
CURRENT SONG:
"Promises" by Savage Garden from "Savage Garden"
It's blizzarding once again... I am REALLY tired of snow right now. I get up, it's snowing, I go to work, it's snowing, I come home, it's snowing... I go to bed and it's FREAKING snowing! Well, I guess I should be happy, our ground has desperately needed the moisture, we've been in a virtual three year drought and the wheat and corn we grown has suffered greatly. That's kinda the bummer about living in an ag based state, if the weather is bad, we're totally screwed.
I got a very cute e-card from meh Sissy today and talked on the phone with my Oniisan last night. So, I want to take a few moments here to thank them for everything they've done for me. My brother and sister (Hai, she is my sister-in-law, but to me she's my sister) have done so much for me that I just want to thank them here for it.
Oniisan, domo for taking the time to listen to me, even if I'm whining. For telling me that I was too good for that boy any ways, for reminding me that my boss doesn't know better and for cracking jokes at times when all I want to do is sulk. For taking me places even when it was "burden" and for just being one of my best friends through everything that has happened in the past and probably will keep happening.
Sissy, domo for taking care of me better than any sister could have ever done. For reminding me that there are other fish in the sea, for pointing out that my skills will always put to good use and for making me smile even when I feel like crying. For listening to my problems, my hopes and my dreams and for being the best sister I could have ever asked for.
Both of you, you are so dear to me, thank you...
Well, now that I've teared myself up, I can go to my anime musings, ne? ::smiles and chuckles a bit:: I did manage to get to the book store before it started snowing again and I read the next installments of both "Mars" and "Paradise Kiss." Hai, the installment of "Mars" was terribly heart wrenching. Why does it have to so hard for Rei and Kira? Wait, it's a shoujo manga, that makes sense... Heh... As for "Paradise Kiss," it was brilliant as usual, and the Aisama makes the gown she designed for "Caroline" as I like to use her nickname by, to wear is gorgeous! I wish I was that great at visual design! Oh, and I madly adore "Isabella," the drag queen! He's so beautiful and he's so sweet! Plus, he dresses like a Victorian lady, and his butler Sebastien is so kind. Sebastien even said to Isabella he was, "So proud that the young sir had grown from such a shy little boy to such an elegant lady..." I think Isabella is one of the coolest characters ever invented in manga, he's just so sweet!
Quiz time for today comes from Quizilla.com and the results were... disturbing to say the least...
What Shounen-Ai "ship" from Gensomaden Saiyuki Season One Are You?
What shounen-ai 'ship' from Gensomaden Saiyuki season one are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
WHY?! I figured I would have in least gotten 58, I somehow ended up with 38! ::chuckles ruefully I did read the other results, since this quiz really makes no sense when you take it. Apparently there isn't too much support for 58 in general. Why, I have no idea. Forgive me Hakkaichan and Gojyokun, I'll make it up to you!
LotR news for today, I think I might do a sketch tonight if Oniisan can't make it over to visit. If he does, well I'll do the sketch later. ::laughs:: I have a beautiful Frodo card from the TTT movie where he looks so utterly lost and troubled. Come to think of it, Frodo always looks lost and troubled, doesn't he? Ooh, and I read a gorgeous BoromirXFaramir fic on "Sweet Sorcery." I will write a fic with that pairing soon... Some how...
Well, that's all for today, minnasan. Now that I've depressed myself with the 38 result... J/K... ::dodges Sanzo's fan:: Domo arigato for all the hits, sign my Guestbook and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Merry's New Motto: Be Careful When Talking to Trees... They Might Talk Back...
"Promises" by Savage Garden from "Savage Garden"
It's blizzarding once again... I am REALLY tired of snow right now. I get up, it's snowing, I go to work, it's snowing, I come home, it's snowing... I go to bed and it's FREAKING snowing! Well, I guess I should be happy, our ground has desperately needed the moisture, we've been in a virtual three year drought and the wheat and corn we grown has suffered greatly. That's kinda the bummer about living in an ag based state, if the weather is bad, we're totally screwed.
I got a very cute e-card from meh Sissy today and talked on the phone with my Oniisan last night. So, I want to take a few moments here to thank them for everything they've done for me. My brother and sister (Hai, she is my sister-in-law, but to me she's my sister) have done so much for me that I just want to thank them here for it.
Oniisan, domo for taking the time to listen to me, even if I'm whining. For telling me that I was too good for that boy any ways, for reminding me that my boss doesn't know better and for cracking jokes at times when all I want to do is sulk. For taking me places even when it was "burden" and for just being one of my best friends through everything that has happened in the past and probably will keep happening.
Sissy, domo for taking care of me better than any sister could have ever done. For reminding me that there are other fish in the sea, for pointing out that my skills will always put to good use and for making me smile even when I feel like crying. For listening to my problems, my hopes and my dreams and for being the best sister I could have ever asked for.
Both of you, you are so dear to me, thank you...
Well, now that I've teared myself up, I can go to my anime musings, ne? ::smiles and chuckles a bit:: I did manage to get to the book store before it started snowing again and I read the next installments of both "Mars" and "Paradise Kiss." Hai, the installment of "Mars" was terribly heart wrenching. Why does it have to so hard for Rei and Kira? Wait, it's a shoujo manga, that makes sense... Heh... As for "Paradise Kiss," it was brilliant as usual, and the Aisama makes the gown she designed for "Caroline" as I like to use her nickname by, to wear is gorgeous! I wish I was that great at visual design! Oh, and I madly adore "Isabella," the drag queen! He's so beautiful and he's so sweet! Plus, he dresses like a Victorian lady, and his butler Sebastien is so kind. Sebastien even said to Isabella he was, "So proud that the young sir had grown from such a shy little boy to such an elegant lady..." I think Isabella is one of the coolest characters ever invented in manga, he's just so sweet!
Quiz time for today comes from Quizilla.com and the results were... disturbing to say the least...
What Shounen-Ai "ship" from Gensomaden Saiyuki Season One Are You?
What shounen-ai 'ship' from Gensomaden Saiyuki season one are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
WHY?! I figured I would have in least gotten 58, I somehow ended up with 38! ::chuckles ruefully I did read the other results, since this quiz really makes no sense when you take it. Apparently there isn't too much support for 58 in general. Why, I have no idea. Forgive me Hakkaichan and Gojyokun, I'll make it up to you!
LotR news for today, I think I might do a sketch tonight if Oniisan can't make it over to visit. If he does, well I'll do the sketch later. ::laughs:: I have a beautiful Frodo card from the TTT movie where he looks so utterly lost and troubled. Come to think of it, Frodo always looks lost and troubled, doesn't he? Ooh, and I read a gorgeous BoromirXFaramir fic on "Sweet Sorcery." I will write a fic with that pairing soon... Some how...
Well, that's all for today, minnasan. Now that I've depressed myself with the 38 result... J/K... ::dodges Sanzo's fan:: Domo arigato for all the hits, sign my Guestbook and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Merry's New Motto: Be Careful When Talking to Trees... They Might Talk Back...
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
CURRENT SONG:
"Glycerin" by Bush from the radio in the next office...
Man, my back is killing me! I think it's come from having to be hunched over my crutches a bit when I go up the nine steps I have to my home. The good news is that I think I can be completely off the crutches by Saturday and I don't have to wear my cast right now, I'm just using an ace bandage. Sure feels a lot better and I can finally put pressure on my right heel again. Now, if I can just get the whole foot to work right, we'll be in business! LNchan, glad you liked the fic, even if it did depress your Gojyokun... But my Hakkaichan made up for it good! ::smiles:: Kichan, I got the pic scanned! Woo, it looks even better with the sharpness of the computer screen, I'll have it sent to you tonight! Moon-chan, just remember... HOJO COMMANDS IT! ...and we can't tell him about the embezzeling to fund our little "breeding" project... Heh...
Quiz time comes compliments of Quizilla.com as usual. This is sorta of like anime musings, since the movie "Battle Royale" was based after the very violent manga series. I am dying to get my hands on this movie, I love how sick and twisted it is! Right now, my coworker Jason is reading this going, "Yes she does..." ::chuckles:: The first quiz I stole off of Kamui Motoaki's Livejournal, which led me to the second one!
What Battle Royale Boy Would I Be?
Boys # 5 Kawada Shougo
You are Kawada Shougo, the survivor. You do
what it takes to protect yourself and those you
care about, no matter what the cost.
Which Battle Royale boy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Kawadasama! ::grinz:: I was hoping I'd get him, though I was suprised I didn't get the psychotic, trigger happy guy. Maybe it's cause I've been trained in survival, ne? Of course, now that we know what boy I'd be, let's see the opposite sex!
What Battle Royale Girl Would I Be?
Girls #11 Souma Mitsuko
You are Souma Mitsuko. You have a a chip on
your shoulder the size of Montana, and you're
gonna take it out on everyone you see. You have
no objections to doing any dirty work. Everyone
has their reasons.
Which Battle Royale girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
SOUMASAMA! She's messed up, but not half as wired as the one gal with the glasses. But I was bummed, I actually wanted to come up Video Oneechan, 'cuz she's so adorable and looks great in camoflauge!
LotR musings for today, does anyone know if the are rereleasing the Two Towers movie with the added footage preview for Return of the Kings? I heard soft rumors that they were, and if they are, I want to wait to see TTT again with the preview at the end! Can't wait to see Frodo get more and more twisted! They better leave Faramir getting shot by the Nazgul arrow though, I need to see that! Hopefully I won't swoon on any of my friends... Heh...
Well, that's all for today, minnasan. I'll hopefully be able to do some material shopping for my FFX-2 Rikku top this weekend! Domo arigato for 3800+ hits, sign my Guestbook and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Pippin's New Motto: Maybe We Should Have Held Tighter to Boromir...
"Glycerin" by Bush from the radio in the next office...
Man, my back is killing me! I think it's come from having to be hunched over my crutches a bit when I go up the nine steps I have to my home. The good news is that I think I can be completely off the crutches by Saturday and I don't have to wear my cast right now, I'm just using an ace bandage. Sure feels a lot better and I can finally put pressure on my right heel again. Now, if I can just get the whole foot to work right, we'll be in business! LNchan, glad you liked the fic, even if it did depress your Gojyokun... But my Hakkaichan made up for it good! ::smiles:: Kichan, I got the pic scanned! Woo, it looks even better with the sharpness of the computer screen, I'll have it sent to you tonight! Moon-chan, just remember... HOJO COMMANDS IT! ...and we can't tell him about the embezzeling to fund our little "breeding" project... Heh...
Quiz time comes compliments of Quizilla.com as usual. This is sorta of like anime musings, since the movie "Battle Royale" was based after the very violent manga series. I am dying to get my hands on this movie, I love how sick and twisted it is! Right now, my coworker Jason is reading this going, "Yes she does..." ::chuckles:: The first quiz I stole off of Kamui Motoaki's Livejournal, which led me to the second one!
What Battle Royale Boy Would I Be?
Boys # 5 Kawada Shougo
You are Kawada Shougo, the survivor. You do
what it takes to protect yourself and those you
care about, no matter what the cost.
Which Battle Royale boy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Kawadasama! ::grinz:: I was hoping I'd get him, though I was suprised I didn't get the psychotic, trigger happy guy. Maybe it's cause I've been trained in survival, ne? Of course, now that we know what boy I'd be, let's see the opposite sex!
What Battle Royale Girl Would I Be?
Girls #11 Souma Mitsuko
You are Souma Mitsuko. You have a a chip on
your shoulder the size of Montana, and you're
gonna take it out on everyone you see. You have
no objections to doing any dirty work. Everyone
has their reasons.
Which Battle Royale girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
SOUMASAMA! She's messed up, but not half as wired as the one gal with the glasses. But I was bummed, I actually wanted to come up Video Oneechan, 'cuz she's so adorable and looks great in camoflauge!
LotR musings for today, does anyone know if the are rereleasing the Two Towers movie with the added footage preview for Return of the Kings? I heard soft rumors that they were, and if they are, I want to wait to see TTT again with the preview at the end! Can't wait to see Frodo get more and more twisted! They better leave Faramir getting shot by the Nazgul arrow though, I need to see that! Hopefully I won't swoon on any of my friends... Heh...
Well, that's all for today, minnasan. I'll hopefully be able to do some material shopping for my FFX-2 Rikku top this weekend! Domo arigato for 3800+ hits, sign my Guestbook and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Pippin's New Motto: Maybe We Should Have Held Tighter to Boromir...
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
CURRENT SONG:
"Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi from "Keep the Faith"
Well, minnasan, I thought I'd do something different in my Blog today. I wrote a very odd, sorta disjointed GojyoXHakkai piece of fiction and I thought instead of my usual ramblings, I'd share it with you today! Hope everyone enjoys it and feel free to e-mail me if you like it! Domo arigato for the hits, sign my guestbook, and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
"Blood Stained Shirt"
By: Miracle Shining
AUTHOR'S NOTES: "Gensomaden Saiyuki" is property of Kazuya Minekura, ENIX, and Sony Inc. Please do not sue me, I have no money. This is a YAOI piece and you should be of your legal age in your state or country to read this. FLAMES WILL BE IGNORED!
RATING: Hard R
PAIRING: GojyoXHakkai (In an odd sort of way), SanzoXHakkai (past reference, now one-sided)
WARNINGS: Angst, Mentioned blood shed, POV, Lime moments, Some language, Bittersweetness
SUMMARY: Just a random moment that could have occurred anywhere in the series, Hakkai is kidnapped and the Sanzo-Ikkou are looking for him. Told from Gojyo's POV and it's supposed to be sorta' disjointed.
*****
I wish I had a cigarette.
Everything that has happened thus far, and everything that's about to happen, and I'm out of freakin' cigarettes.
It figures.
I wonder right now where Hakkai is. I had a horrid nightmare last night of things happening to him that I don't even want to try and put words too. But, I couldn't push them out of my head. No matter how damned hard I tried, the images were burned into the back of my eyelids.
Hakkai has been kidnapped.
Heh, bet you couldn't have figured that one out, ne? Even the baka saru knew that one. Happened three nights ago. We got jumped by a bunch of crazed youkai and Hakkai was struck on the back of the head and drug off before any of us could grab him. Well, Sanzo had a hold of him, but they tugged too hard and were too fast.
My shirt got splattered with some of Hakkai's blood... It was dripping out of his arm...
No, it was pouring out...
The youkai grabbed Hakuryuu too. Funny, made me feel a hell of a lot better knowing that little white dragon was with Hakkai. I just hope nothing has happened to the little guy either. Unlike Sanzo, I actually like the bugger, and not just for transportation.
So we're walking now. Well, we were walking, but Goku declared to Sanzo, me, and the whole freakin' village that he's starving to death and needed to eat now. I wanted to feed my damn boot to him. See how he likes trying to swallow that one.
I'm not hungry... I'm not really anything right now. The people in the inn are looking at us oddly. Wonder why?... Could be because Sanzo's carrying a white sash that isn't his, I'm splattered in dried blood and Goku looks like he's in a form of shock. No, we're perfectly normal...
The waitress seats us. She's got a bust that doesn't quit, I must admit. Too bad I haven't had a thing like that with a lady in a long time. She's chattering something about specials...
I'm still out of cigarettes...
I don't dare ask Sanzo for one, he's been choking them down ten times faster than normal since Hakkai's been gone. He won't let go of the sash either. Which is beginning to tick me off to no end.
I should be holding that sash.
Instead, the only remnants I currently have of Hakkai is his blood that's dried to my shirt. Twice now Sanzo has told me to take it off and wash it. Twice now I've told him to kiss my...
You get the picture.
So, I'm in an inn with no cigarettes, a blood stained shirt on, with Goku chewing on something that I was pretty sure was still moving when it arrived to our table. I need to get away. I feel sick to my stomach for once.
Sanzo doesn't say anything when I grab the beer I was nursing and head up to one of the two rooms we have. Normally I'd be heading up there after Hakkai has went to bed.
Funny how you think of those things, ne?
The room is nice, must compensate for the food being so bad. Has a big window. Hakkai would have loved the window, you can see the trees and a path toward some kind of garden from here.
Oh gods, Hakkai...
I'm on the floor, I think...
I must be, I can see the ceiling and it sure as hell isn't comfy like the bed. Strange how certain thoughts can knock your legs out from under you, ne?
I don't feel like getting up. I'm glad I locked the door before Hakkai's face came to me out of nowhere. Last thing I need is a snide remark from the great Sanzosama and his little monkey.
My face is wet...
I'm crying. I know that I'm crying because I can taste the salt on my lips. I end up grabbing my shirt and fisting it over the spot that is coated in blood.
Hakkai tastes like rain.
Bet you didn't know that. I found him in the rain when we first met. Hard to explain, but he's always tasted like rain to me since then. Sorta sweet, but tinted with a touch of bitter salt to it.
My tears taste like rain.
I can't stop crying...
WHY THE HELL CAN'T I STOP CRYING?!!
I'm clutching at my shirt, and my heart is pounding. I think my chest is going to explode...
Oh gods, Hakkai, help me... Make it stop!...
Where are you?... Please give me some damned sign!...
I think I've torn a hole into my shirt, but I don't care. The dried blood is the closest I have to touching my Hakkai.
Hai, he's My Hakkai.
And the damned bastard priest is currently probably curling in bed with Hakkai's white sash. He thinks I don't know. He thinks I don't know about what happened in the temple between him and Hakkai when they took him there for trial.
He told me, Sanzo... I know...
You weren't expecting him to see me ever again. But it only happened once between you... That's all that will EVER happen again...
You don't feel the same way I do about him. You could never feel the same way I do about him.
Hakkai... Hakkai... My chest hurts... My chest hurts so damn bad...
I bring my hand up to my eyes. Some of the dried blood has flaked off on my fingers. I stare at it as if its the closest link I'll ever have with my Hakkai again.
Please, let that not be so...
I close my eyes, my hand falling over the blood stained spot on my shirt. I take a deep breath and I can almost smell rain...
Hakkai has a beautiful body. He doesn't think so because of his scar across his stomach, but he's flawless. His skin never darkens in the sun and it feels like satin to the touch.
I groan, I can hear myself. I know this isn't the time to be assaulted by these images, but it feels like the only comfort I can take right now. My hand comes over my hip and I rub myself through my pants. I should feel ashamed, but I don't. I don't because it's not my hand in my mind...
Maybe I am as messed up as everyone sees me, but right now I don't care. My other hand is clutching the blood on my shirt and I roll on my side, still rubbing myself.
Hakkai loves being touched. Even if he thinks his body is ugly, he loves being touched. I love touching his body. I love making love to him on my side like this. He fits me perfectly... So perfectly...
...Oh gods, Hakkai, you feel so good...
...press your hips back... just like... just like... oh gods, baby, yes...
...want to stay in you forever... love you... love you, hakkai...
The front of my jeans are wet...
I don't know when it happened. My palm feels a little damp too...
And my face is wet and the salt from what must still be my tears are making my eyes burn.
I'm still laying on my side on the floor in now sticky pants with a partially shredded shirt on.
I still don't feel like getting up...
I guess I'll stay here...
Hakkai, wherever you are, you can't leave me... You won't die... If you do... I'll go and... I'll... I'll...
...i wish i had a cigarette...
~end~
"Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi from "Keep the Faith"
Well, minnasan, I thought I'd do something different in my Blog today. I wrote a very odd, sorta disjointed GojyoXHakkai piece of fiction and I thought instead of my usual ramblings, I'd share it with you today! Hope everyone enjoys it and feel free to e-mail me if you like it! Domo arigato for the hits, sign my guestbook, and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
"Blood Stained Shirt"
By: Miracle Shining
AUTHOR'S NOTES: "Gensomaden Saiyuki" is property of Kazuya Minekura, ENIX, and Sony Inc. Please do not sue me, I have no money. This is a YAOI piece and you should be of your legal age in your state or country to read this. FLAMES WILL BE IGNORED!
RATING: Hard R
PAIRING: GojyoXHakkai (In an odd sort of way), SanzoXHakkai (past reference, now one-sided)
WARNINGS: Angst, Mentioned blood shed, POV, Lime moments, Some language, Bittersweetness
SUMMARY: Just a random moment that could have occurred anywhere in the series, Hakkai is kidnapped and the Sanzo-Ikkou are looking for him. Told from Gojyo's POV and it's supposed to be sorta' disjointed.
I wish I had a cigarette.
Everything that has happened thus far, and everything that's about to happen, and I'm out of freakin' cigarettes.
It figures.
I wonder right now where Hakkai is. I had a horrid nightmare last night of things happening to him that I don't even want to try and put words too. But, I couldn't push them out of my head. No matter how damned hard I tried, the images were burned into the back of my eyelids.
Hakkai has been kidnapped.
Heh, bet you couldn't have figured that one out, ne? Even the baka saru knew that one. Happened three nights ago. We got jumped by a bunch of crazed youkai and Hakkai was struck on the back of the head and drug off before any of us could grab him. Well, Sanzo had a hold of him, but they tugged too hard and were too fast.
My shirt got splattered with some of Hakkai's blood... It was dripping out of his arm...
No, it was pouring out...
The youkai grabbed Hakuryuu too. Funny, made me feel a hell of a lot better knowing that little white dragon was with Hakkai. I just hope nothing has happened to the little guy either. Unlike Sanzo, I actually like the bugger, and not just for transportation.
So we're walking now. Well, we were walking, but Goku declared to Sanzo, me, and the whole freakin' village that he's starving to death and needed to eat now. I wanted to feed my damn boot to him. See how he likes trying to swallow that one.
I'm not hungry... I'm not really anything right now. The people in the inn are looking at us oddly. Wonder why?... Could be because Sanzo's carrying a white sash that isn't his, I'm splattered in dried blood and Goku looks like he's in a form of shock. No, we're perfectly normal...
The waitress seats us. She's got a bust that doesn't quit, I must admit. Too bad I haven't had a thing like that with a lady in a long time. She's chattering something about specials...
I'm still out of cigarettes...
I don't dare ask Sanzo for one, he's been choking them down ten times faster than normal since Hakkai's been gone. He won't let go of the sash either. Which is beginning to tick me off to no end.
I should be holding that sash.
Instead, the only remnants I currently have of Hakkai is his blood that's dried to my shirt. Twice now Sanzo has told me to take it off and wash it. Twice now I've told him to kiss my...
You get the picture.
So, I'm in an inn with no cigarettes, a blood stained shirt on, with Goku chewing on something that I was pretty sure was still moving when it arrived to our table. I need to get away. I feel sick to my stomach for once.
Sanzo doesn't say anything when I grab the beer I was nursing and head up to one of the two rooms we have. Normally I'd be heading up there after Hakkai has went to bed.
Funny how you think of those things, ne?
The room is nice, must compensate for the food being so bad. Has a big window. Hakkai would have loved the window, you can see the trees and a path toward some kind of garden from here.
Oh gods, Hakkai...
I'm on the floor, I think...
I must be, I can see the ceiling and it sure as hell isn't comfy like the bed. Strange how certain thoughts can knock your legs out from under you, ne?
I don't feel like getting up. I'm glad I locked the door before Hakkai's face came to me out of nowhere. Last thing I need is a snide remark from the great Sanzosama and his little monkey.
My face is wet...
I'm crying. I know that I'm crying because I can taste the salt on my lips. I end up grabbing my shirt and fisting it over the spot that is coated in blood.
Hakkai tastes like rain.
Bet you didn't know that. I found him in the rain when we first met. Hard to explain, but he's always tasted like rain to me since then. Sorta sweet, but tinted with a touch of bitter salt to it.
My tears taste like rain.
I can't stop crying...
WHY THE HELL CAN'T I STOP CRYING?!!
I'm clutching at my shirt, and my heart is pounding. I think my chest is going to explode...
Oh gods, Hakkai, help me... Make it stop!...
Where are you?... Please give me some damned sign!...
I think I've torn a hole into my shirt, but I don't care. The dried blood is the closest I have to touching my Hakkai.
Hai, he's My Hakkai.
And the damned bastard priest is currently probably curling in bed with Hakkai's white sash. He thinks I don't know. He thinks I don't know about what happened in the temple between him and Hakkai when they took him there for trial.
He told me, Sanzo... I know...
You weren't expecting him to see me ever again. But it only happened once between you... That's all that will EVER happen again...
You don't feel the same way I do about him. You could never feel the same way I do about him.
Hakkai... Hakkai... My chest hurts... My chest hurts so damn bad...
I bring my hand up to my eyes. Some of the dried blood has flaked off on my fingers. I stare at it as if its the closest link I'll ever have with my Hakkai again.
Please, let that not be so...
I close my eyes, my hand falling over the blood stained spot on my shirt. I take a deep breath and I can almost smell rain...
Hakkai has a beautiful body. He doesn't think so because of his scar across his stomach, but he's flawless. His skin never darkens in the sun and it feels like satin to the touch.
I groan, I can hear myself. I know this isn't the time to be assaulted by these images, but it feels like the only comfort I can take right now. My hand comes over my hip and I rub myself through my pants. I should feel ashamed, but I don't. I don't because it's not my hand in my mind...
Maybe I am as messed up as everyone sees me, but right now I don't care. My other hand is clutching the blood on my shirt and I roll on my side, still rubbing myself.
Hakkai loves being touched. Even if he thinks his body is ugly, he loves being touched. I love touching his body. I love making love to him on my side like this. He fits me perfectly... So perfectly...
...Oh gods, Hakkai, you feel so good...
...press your hips back... just like... just like... oh gods, baby, yes...
...want to stay in you forever... love you... love you, hakkai...
The front of my jeans are wet...
I don't know when it happened. My palm feels a little damp too...
And my face is wet and the salt from what must still be my tears are making my eyes burn.
I'm still laying on my side on the floor in now sticky pants with a partially shredded shirt on.
I still don't feel like getting up...
I guess I'll stay here...
Hakkai, wherever you are, you can't leave me... You won't die... If you do... I'll go and... I'll... I'll...
...i wish i had a cigarette...
Monday, February 03, 2003
CURRENT SONG:
"Butterfly" by smile.dk from "Dance Dance Revolution 2nd Mix" soundtrack
The insanity is just beginning here at work. Oi! I am so glad that I'm working on finding a new place to call my home of employment. I'm not sure how much more of this kind of bizarreness I can take. It's not even the GOOD kind of bizarre! Anyhoo, in least the slushy, cold, wet snow let up. Getting down my steps this morning was a riot, I never had to walk so careful in my life! Unfortuantely, as of right now, my ankle is killing me. I just took another low level pain killer and I hope that it will last in least until two p.m., which is about the time I think I get off today. Oh please let it be, my ankle feels like it's swelling to the size of a balloon!
Cosplay musings, I managed to do a finalized sketch of the "female Anji Mito!" I decided to go with the bandaged chest version, since it'll still give me that "bishonen" appearance. ::chuckles:: My mum told me if I meet up with one particular cosplayer this year, he knows who he is, to make sure I get a pic of me kissing him looking like a guy! My mum is so funny some times. YAOI anyone? I figure that I'll carry around a sign as Anji saying "Will YAOI for free Pocky sticks..." I swear, I'll do cosplay even for Pocky... That stuff should be illegal somehow... ::smiles::
QUIZ TIME! Hai, it's still the reason you all come for my Blog, ne? Well, this one is Manga related, and is actually a pretty good quiz!
What type of manga character represents Me?
You are the "Cool" type. Go you.
What type of manga character represents you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wow! This fits me nicely actually. I'd rather watch the world go by and do my art then actually be in the world. Well, I don't know about the angsty part of it, but I have had my share of bad runs, ne?
LotR news for today, I have got to make sure I don't fall under the lure of the One Machine at Wal-Mart right now. I know if I start collecting those mini busts with as little money as I have, I won't stop pumping quarters into that machine! But, in least I have my Faramir action figure right now! ::hugs action figure, Oniisan and Sissy:: That made my day more than anything! Faramir also has "slashing sword action" which amused me far more than I think it was supposed too. Can't wait to see when they re-release TTT with the added preview footage of "Return of the Kings!"
Well, that's all for today, minnasan. Not much going on I'm afraid. Domo arigato for 3760+ hits(!), sign my Guestbook onegai, and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Sauraman's New Motto: Never Build a Fort Near Moving Trees...
"Butterfly" by smile.dk from "Dance Dance Revolution 2nd Mix" soundtrack
The insanity is just beginning here at work. Oi! I am so glad that I'm working on finding a new place to call my home of employment. I'm not sure how much more of this kind of bizarreness I can take. It's not even the GOOD kind of bizarre! Anyhoo, in least the slushy, cold, wet snow let up. Getting down my steps this morning was a riot, I never had to walk so careful in my life! Unfortuantely, as of right now, my ankle is killing me. I just took another low level pain killer and I hope that it will last in least until two p.m., which is about the time I think I get off today. Oh please let it be, my ankle feels like it's swelling to the size of a balloon!
Cosplay musings, I managed to do a finalized sketch of the "female Anji Mito!" I decided to go with the bandaged chest version, since it'll still give me that "bishonen" appearance. ::chuckles:: My mum told me if I meet up with one particular cosplayer this year, he knows who he is, to make sure I get a pic of me kissing him looking like a guy! My mum is so funny some times. YAOI anyone? I figure that I'll carry around a sign as Anji saying "Will YAOI for free Pocky sticks..." I swear, I'll do cosplay even for Pocky... That stuff should be illegal somehow... ::smiles::
QUIZ TIME! Hai, it's still the reason you all come for my Blog, ne? Well, this one is Manga related, and is actually a pretty good quiz!
What type of manga character represents Me?
You are the "Cool" type. Go you.
What type of manga character represents you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wow! This fits me nicely actually. I'd rather watch the world go by and do my art then actually be in the world. Well, I don't know about the angsty part of it, but I have had my share of bad runs, ne?
LotR news for today, I have got to make sure I don't fall under the lure of the One Machine at Wal-Mart right now. I know if I start collecting those mini busts with as little money as I have, I won't stop pumping quarters into that machine! But, in least I have my Faramir action figure right now! ::hugs action figure, Oniisan and Sissy:: That made my day more than anything! Faramir also has "slashing sword action" which amused me far more than I think it was supposed too. Can't wait to see when they re-release TTT with the added preview footage of "Return of the Kings!"
Well, that's all for today, minnasan. Not much going on I'm afraid. Domo arigato for 3760+ hits(!), sign my Guestbook onegai, and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Sauraman's New Motto: Never Build a Fort Near Moving Trees...
Sunday, February 02, 2003
CURRENT SONG:
"Something to Believe In" by Poison from "Hard Love" compilation album
Happy Groundhog's Day! Well, minnasan, I'm back to my apartment again, it's dumping cold, slushy, nasty snow outside. My 'rents brought me home, which I am ETERNALLY grateful for, since driving down here would have taken me about two and half hours otherwise with my bad ankle and even worse roads! But, I know that they got home okay, so I'm relieved. Believe it or not, but it was actually 60 degrees yesterday! Hai, it's true what they say about South Dakota's weather, wait five minutes, it'll change! ::chuckles::
Anime and manga news, I unfortunately wasn't able to get to the book store, nor will I be able too for the next few days to see how the events in Rei and Kira's life in the manga "Mars" are coming! ::laughs:: I swear, I've never found a het couple that I've adored together as much as Rei and Kira! They are so perfect! But I did get to read the manga version of "DiGi Charat," one of my ALL-TIME favorite anime short cartoons. Hai, it's twisted, it's silly, but it's SOOOO funny! The manga was done by different artists, so it was really kewl to see how each person saw each character! I love the three leading ladies, but I'd have to say that Rabi En Rose has GOT to be my favorite. She's so kewt with her bunny ears and dice!
Cosplay musings, I'm gonna go with my suprise costume now instead of Sensei Koh from "Wild Adapter" for sure. I'll probably still do Sensei's costume just to have, but it won't be seen at NDK '03 this year. I discoved "Anji Mito" from the game "Guilty Gears X" and immediately fell in love with the costume design! Only problem was, this male character was shirtless! So, mum and I figured out a way to still keep the male appearance and cover up my small bust. I'm either doing a flesh colored sports bra, or I'm gonna' do the "broken rib cage" white binding ala "Sanosuke" from "Kenshin" to get the effect. Best of all, he fights with fans and looks oddly like Cho Hakkai, so I should fit the role nicely, ne? Oh, and I got all my hair lopped off yesterday, ultra short pixie, so by the time the con rolls around, it should just be the right length for Anji! ::sniffles:: The only bummer is I have to dye my hair back to it's brown color for it. Oi, the things I do for cosplay...
QUIZ TIME! I was making out my Valentines for V-Day and my mum and pop bought me both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings Valentine's! ::chuckles:: Which of course means that all my friends in RL and OL are getting one of these two V-Day choices! But naturally, I had to take a Harry Potter quiz again!
What Harry Potter Main Character Am I?
You're Hermione Granger! You may be muggle-born,
but that doesn't stand in your way! You just
may be one of the smartest witches at Hogwarts!
Go Hermione!
What Harry Potter main character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yay, I love Hermione! She's totally smart and absolutley cute! I actually think her and Ron make such a cute little couple. Whom do I think Harry looks best with?... Outside of me and/or Kichan, I'd have to say Oliver! ::grinz:: Oi, I'm such a hentai...
LotR news for today, prepare yourself... ::takes deep breath:: DEAR ELBERETH, MY ONIISAN AND SISSY GOT ME A FARAMIR TOY!!! ::exhales:: Whew!! No, seriously, we stopped by before we left to come to Rapid City and my Oniisan and Sissy had bought me a Faramir action figure! He is now standing quite proudly to the left of my Squall action figure, who seperates him from my Aragorn action figure! I've never been so happy! I didn't know where they found one, I looked everywhere for him! So, now all I need is a Frodo figure, preferably a Nine Finger one and my collection will be complete! ::hugs her Faramir toy::
Well, that's all for today minnasan! Oi, the wind is really blowing hard and I think I need to kick up the heat! Domo arigato for all the hits, sign my Guestbook onegai, and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Faramir's New Motto: Daddy Knows Best... The Bastard...
"Something to Believe In" by Poison from "Hard Love" compilation album
Happy Groundhog's Day! Well, minnasan, I'm back to my apartment again, it's dumping cold, slushy, nasty snow outside. My 'rents brought me home, which I am ETERNALLY grateful for, since driving down here would have taken me about two and half hours otherwise with my bad ankle and even worse roads! But, I know that they got home okay, so I'm relieved. Believe it or not, but it was actually 60 degrees yesterday! Hai, it's true what they say about South Dakota's weather, wait five minutes, it'll change! ::chuckles::
Anime and manga news, I unfortunately wasn't able to get to the book store, nor will I be able too for the next few days to see how the events in Rei and Kira's life in the manga "Mars" are coming! ::laughs:: I swear, I've never found a het couple that I've adored together as much as Rei and Kira! They are so perfect! But I did get to read the manga version of "DiGi Charat," one of my ALL-TIME favorite anime short cartoons. Hai, it's twisted, it's silly, but it's SOOOO funny! The manga was done by different artists, so it was really kewl to see how each person saw each character! I love the three leading ladies, but I'd have to say that Rabi En Rose has GOT to be my favorite. She's so kewt with her bunny ears and dice!
Cosplay musings, I'm gonna go with my suprise costume now instead of Sensei Koh from "Wild Adapter" for sure. I'll probably still do Sensei's costume just to have, but it won't be seen at NDK '03 this year. I discoved "Anji Mito" from the game "Guilty Gears X" and immediately fell in love with the costume design! Only problem was, this male character was shirtless! So, mum and I figured out a way to still keep the male appearance and cover up my small bust. I'm either doing a flesh colored sports bra, or I'm gonna' do the "broken rib cage" white binding ala "Sanosuke" from "Kenshin" to get the effect. Best of all, he fights with fans and looks oddly like Cho Hakkai, so I should fit the role nicely, ne? Oh, and I got all my hair lopped off yesterday, ultra short pixie, so by the time the con rolls around, it should just be the right length for Anji! ::sniffles:: The only bummer is I have to dye my hair back to it's brown color for it. Oi, the things I do for cosplay...
QUIZ TIME! I was making out my Valentines for V-Day and my mum and pop bought me both Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings Valentine's! ::chuckles:: Which of course means that all my friends in RL and OL are getting one of these two V-Day choices! But naturally, I had to take a Harry Potter quiz again!
What Harry Potter Main Character Am I?
You're Hermione Granger! You may be muggle-born,
but that doesn't stand in your way! You just
may be one of the smartest witches at Hogwarts!
Go Hermione!
What Harry Potter main character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yay, I love Hermione! She's totally smart and absolutley cute! I actually think her and Ron make such a cute little couple. Whom do I think Harry looks best with?... Outside of me and/or Kichan, I'd have to say Oliver! ::grinz:: Oi, I'm such a hentai...
LotR news for today, prepare yourself... ::takes deep breath:: DEAR ELBERETH, MY ONIISAN AND SISSY GOT ME A FARAMIR TOY!!! ::exhales:: Whew!! No, seriously, we stopped by before we left to come to Rapid City and my Oniisan and Sissy had bought me a Faramir action figure! He is now standing quite proudly to the left of my Squall action figure, who seperates him from my Aragorn action figure! I've never been so happy! I didn't know where they found one, I looked everywhere for him! So, now all I need is a Frodo figure, preferably a Nine Finger one and my collection will be complete! ::hugs her Faramir toy::
Well, that's all for today minnasan! Oi, the wind is really blowing hard and I think I need to kick up the heat! Domo arigato for all the hits, sign my Guestbook onegai, and ja ne for now! =~.^=V
RANDOM LOTR THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Faramir's New Motto: Daddy Knows Best... The Bastard...